Different people react to sensory overload or feelings of overwhelm in different ways.

A client of mine actually tried to do more stuff — not less — when she was overwhelmed.

When we first started working together, this client mentioned to me how helpless, resigned, and fearful she felt. Here’s what she said:

“When market conditions ‘downsized’ my great job as a Senior Manager, it was as if the rug had been pulled from under me. I have tried getting another job using any, if not all, of my skills and talent but nothing seems to work. Having had the stability of assured money and an outlet for my creativity for a very long time, I am now at a loss to know in which direction I should go.”

It wasn’t as if she was at a loss for ideas. On the contrary, she had so many ideas and thoughts racing through her mind all at once, that she was totally overwhelmed.

She was trying to pursue many ideas and do many things simultaneously. As a result, she was often late for appointments, and totally exhausted from all this running around.

Interestingly, she also noticed that when things were going well for her — such as, when she was getting things done, or when she didn’t have too much to do — she felt uneasy. So she would take on more things to do, which resulted in getting overwhelmed again.

In other words, she was actually creating the very environment that caused her to become overwhelmed.

So I gave her an simple exercise to do.

• When she felt the urge to jump up and “do” something, this exercise helped her break out of this pattern.
• It helped her slow down enough to see what was going on.
• It also gave her mind the time to complete all the fragments of thoughts running through head during the course of the day so her ideas had a chance to gel.
• And it allowed her to develop the ability to “stay the course” through uncomfortable times and events.

In her words,

“[this exercise] made me look at working independently - something I was too afraid of, to even consider. It made me look at my ‘whole’ self and not just the financial area. The best tool you provided me with was the ability to take stock of myself and to understand my real talents.”

When you identify what causes you to feel overwhelmed, you can take the necessary steps to prevent it in the first place.

A Powerful Tutorial

The next time you feel overwhelmed, pause long enough to reflect on these questions:

1. What is making you feel overwhelmed?
2. What are you doing about it, or feeling compelled to do?
3. What are your thoughts and assumptions during this time?
4. What sensations do you notice in your body?
5. What is your mood? How do you feel emotionally?

Write this down. Then read back what you’ve written.

What did you learn from answering these questions? How will you use this information?

For more information on this simple yet effective approach to preventing feeling overwhelmed, schedule a free (and nondecision-making) consultation. There is no obligation to buy anything, ever.

Call 650-704-5384, or submit the form below:

Don’t worry: I respect your privacy, and I will never share your contact information with anyone else for any reason. I promise.

Then you’re probably very focused and determined, which obviously serves you well.

So “the power of letting go” may seem contradictory to you! Where is the “power” in letting go? How can you get anything done, if you “let go”?

Also, “letting go” may seem very alien to you.

After all these years of persevering and hanging on in spite of all the difficulties you may have faced, you may not even be clear about how to “let go”!

Well, being focused and determined can be a double-edged sword.

• Being too focused can cause a person to become too rigid or set in their ways. When you’re very focused on something, your vision automatically narrows — in other words, you begin filtering out everything that doesn’t fit the very specific outcome that you’re after. As a result, you’re more likely to miss unexpected opportunities.
• Additionally, you might try to control situations and people — things that are really beyond your control — in an attempt to accomplish what you want. And this usually makes you more stressed than anything else.

In these situations, control, focus and “trying harder” aren’t always useful.

Instead, accepting reality and letting go of things you can’t really control can paradoxically open up new possibilities and opportunities.

Here’s what I mean:

When I first started my business, I had a very specific idea of the kind of practice I wanted to build. So I was completely focused on a particular business model.

As a result, I often didn’t recognize or capitalize on other business opportunities that showed up.

For instance, very early on in my business, someone had approached me about creating CDs and videos of my speaking engagements, and converting those into self-coaching products.

I declined this offer, since my focus was on building a service practice.

Meanwhile, as I worked hard to build my one-on-one business practice, I asked my coach for help: how could I do this more effectively?

I was pushing to hard, she said. I needed to let go and allow the business to unfold and guide me.

I was perplexed. I didn’t understand how to “allow” things to unfold. My business would perish if I didn’t “do” things!

To help me understand this concept of letting go and allowing things to happen, my coach suggested I engage in restorative yoga.

Frankly, I couldn’t see the point. But I did it anyway; I had nothing to lose. And I must say, I was surprised!

What I immediately learned from doing restorative yoga was how tightly I held my body. And that if I relaxed and let go, I could sink into the pose more easily, and emerge from it truly rejuvenated.

Once I applied this same concept to my business, two things happened:

1. I was able to let go of the specific outcomes that I had my heart set on
2. I was able to recognize and accept reality, and use it to my advantage.

In other words, I expanded my offerings to accommodate what people wanted (instead of insisting on working with people in my preferred way).

So I now offer self-paced programs for those who want an affordable and flexible way to work on a topic in more detail; single consultations for those who want a “jump start” and prefer to do so in a private setting; and of course the comprehensive coaching programs for those who have the resources and really want to roll up their sleeves and do what it takes to permanently resolve an issue that’s important to them.

Several years later — now that I’m better able to let go and allow reality to guide me — I’m doing something very similar to the business offer I declined many years ago.

So, what about you?

Are allowing reality to guide you? Or are you trying to guide it?

A Powerful Tutorial

First, do this:

If you’re struggling to accomplish something, start by reflecting on these questions:

• What am I trying to accomplish? Why is this?
• What specific outcomes do I want? How did I choose these?
• What is the reality of a particular situation?
• What other ways and options are there to accomplish my end goal, given the current reality?

For more information on how to use this approach to excel at what you do, enjoy long-term success and savor life, schedule a free (and nondecision-making) consultation. There is no obligation to buy anything, ever.

Call 650-704-5384, or submit the form below:

Don’t worry: I respect your privacy, and I will never share your contact information with anyone else for any reason. I promise.

In leadership positions, you have to make complex and difficult decisions daily, if not hourly.

This can be hard enough.

Then, having made your decision after much thought and analysis and soul searching, it can be particularly frustrating to find yourself doubting your decision when confronted by persuasive (even though they may be well-meaning) people.

What do you do, when you find yourself in such a position — repeatedly?

Here’s the story of a client who was able to get of this recurring situation using one simple step.

Initially, this person thought that she was just unable to make difficult choices confidently.

However, during our conversation it became clear that this was not the problem.

In fact, I found out that she made all her decisions with much thought and care.

Her challenge lay elsewhere.

As she put it, she felt herself losing confidence in her decision and herself, when confronted by persuasive people.

Even when she knew intellectually that her decision was right for her, she allowed herself to get talked out of her decision.

This was frustrating for her, and often she’d get annoyed with herself for giving in.

Through our conversation, we discovered that the real problem was her losing faith in herself.

“Do you want to be able to hold your ground in these situations? Do you want to feel strong and confident, and not let self-doubt creep in and sway you?” I asked her.

She said yes, in fact that’s exactly what she wanted: to find strength within herself.

Since she wasn’t feeling particularly strong at that moment while she was describing her problem, I asked her to stand up and do the “Mountain Pose” for a minute.

At the end of that minute, I asked her how she felt.

She was amazed at how such a small thing could have such a big impact.

She went on to say that she felt grounded and strong. And in this state, she felt very confident about being able to hold her ground in any conversation.

I suggested to her that she make it a new habit, to do the “Mountain Pose” for a about a minute before going into conversations that could be challenging.

I also suggested she do this during conversations, when she felt she was losing ground. (Don’t worry, this is a subtle pose — I wasn’t asking her to do a headstand in the middle of a conversation!)

Why does this work?

Simply put, it’s because your mind and body are connected.

When you feel physically grounded and strong, it affects how you experience and interact with the rest of the world.

A Powerful Tutorial

First, try this and see what happens:

• Slouch in front of the mirror and tell your reflection, “I feel wonderful!”.
• Or stand up straight and tall in front of that mirror, and tell your reflection, “I feel dreadful!”.

To take it a level deeper, try this:

For more information about this approach, and how you can integrate it into all aspects of your life, schedule a free (and nondecision-making) consultation. There is no obligation to buy anything, ever.

Call 650-704-5384, or submit the form below:

Don’t worry: I respect your privacy, and I will never share your contact information with anyone else for any reason. I promise.

The answer I’m about to give you is probably not what you expected.

I had discovered a couple of years ago that the solution to procrastination was NOT more discipline.

Here’s the story that led to my discovering the simple solution to this recurring problem:

I had been asked to design a workshop for an organization, to which I had happily agreed. This organization asked me to send them the workshop outline before they finalized plans, to which I also happily agreed.

Then I ran into trouble. Try as I might, I just could not get myself to sit down and write this outline.

As the deadline approached, I despaired! I called my friend for help and advice — and as I was complaining to her about my lack of motivation and discipline, she asked me what exactly I needed to do.

When I tried to answer her question, I realized what was going on: I wasn’t unmotivated, undisciplined or lazy; I just wasn’t clear about what I needed to do.

Without the specifics, each time I attempted to write this workshop outline, I got stuck.

So the solution was not “trying harder” — it was calling the organization and asking for some more information about what exactly they wanted.

Once I had this information, my problem with procrastination magically disappeared.

I realized then that the solution to preventing procrastination is simply being curious.

A Powerful Tutorial

First, do this:

When you find yourself procrastinating, use these questions as a starting point to explore and understand what’s really going on:

• What am I trying to accomplish? And why?
• Do I know how to do this (i.e. do I have all the information, the know-how, etc.)?
• Is this something I can do by myself? If not, who can help me and in what ways?

To take it a level deeper, try this:

Be curious in more than one way: listen to your body.

The sick feeling in the stomach, the fidgetiness, the restlessness — these are all examples of our bodies trying to say something.

For more information about how to use this approach to excel at what you do, enjoy long-term success and savor life, schedule a free (and nondecision-making) consultation. There is no obligation to buy anything, ever.

Call 650-704-5384, or submit the form below:

Don’t worry: I respect your privacy, and I will never share your contact information with anyone else for any reason. I promise.

But when we’re expecting something positive, such as starting a new job or landing that dream project — why is that stressful and anxiety-provoking?

Well, that’s because anxiety is always about the future, not the present.

For instance, during the last few days of my first pregnancy, when all the preparations were complete, it seemed as if I had nothing to do but wait. Wait for the baby to arrive. Wait for the related flurry of activities to begin.

As I waited, I noticed myself getting restless: I found myself wanting to “do” things (something, anything), and I noticed that I couldn’t focus on anything for a very long period of time — it seemed that both my body and mind were fidgeting!

I recognized this as my way of being anxious.

When we’re anticipating something — positive or negative — our minds fast-forward into the future and conjure up all kinds of “what if” scenarios.

This continual generation of “what if” scenarios is bad enough. It’s exhausting to have our minds race and jump through hoops, while preventing us from focusing on the present (i.e. what’s actually going on!).

What’s worse, however, is that we often begin to believe these “what if” scenarios.

We make decisions and take actions as if we’re living in this “virtual reality” our mind has created. This makes us even more stressed, because now we’re really out of synch with reality.

Sound familiar? (Yes, to me too — been there, done that!)

To get past any anxiety you feel about succeeding (or about failing, for that matter), you must get out of the anxiety-provoking “virtual reality” that you’ve created. And get back to the present.

Here’s how:

First, learn to recognize how and when anxiety “shows up” for you, so you can catch yourself before you get too deep into your “virtual reality”.

• Pay attention to when you get anxious. In other words, what specifically gets you worrying about the future? For instance, is it a conversation, an image, a person, a situation, etc.?
• In these moments, how does your body react? For instance, does your breath become shallow, do you sit on the edge of your chair, do you fidget, do you distract yourself doing “busy work”?
• What exactly are your thoughts and concerns during this time? For example, do find yourself repeatedly thinking about “what if things don’t work out?” Or, are your thoughts more like, “what if things DO work out, then what?”

Second, when you do notice yourself in this state, pause long enough to consider these questions:

• What specific repercussions are you concerned about? What are some ways you might address them, if they do occur?
• What assumptions are you making? Are they valid?

After you do this exercise for a few weeks, you’ll have a good understanding of how you experience anxiety, and what triggers it.

As a result, you’ll gradually start noticing your anxiety before you get too worked up. And, you’ll know how to get yourself out of this state, and back to the present.

Try it.

Did you decide to eat more healthily, or exercise more regularly? Maybe you wanted to become a better listener, or be more patient, or work on reducing stress.

Whatever it was, how long did it last?

More often than not, in spite of truly being committed to our resolutions to make improvements, somehow they begin to fade away within a few weeks.

Why is this?

Could it be that we really didn’t want to make this change after all? Maybe we lack the determination or will power? Perhaps we’re just plain lazy?

Well, maybe it’s none of these!

Let’s start by acknowledging that any kind of change is difficult and uncomfortable — even if we initiate it ourselves. And often our desire to change something in our lives comes into conflict with our desire to avoid discomfort.

Also, the ripple effect from one “small” change can wreak havoc on not only on your life but also on others around you.

You may be surprised at the complexity of seemingly “simple” aspirations!

Watch the movie Educating Rita, for example, and you’ll see what I mean. All Rita wants to do is improve her lot in life by getting an education. Yet it causes all kinds of unexpected side-effects in her relationships with people around her.

These “side-effects” are what test your staying power. These are often the real reason that you’re unable to follow through with your original intention or goal.

So when you decide to make any kind of change in your life, here are some questions to ask yourself:

• Why is this important to me? Why do I really want to make this change?
• What outcomes or results am I looking for, and by when? In other words, what are my expectations? Are these realistic, and how do I know?
• Do I know what I need to do to get the results or outcomes I want? For instance, do I need more information, instructions or guidance? Do I need ongoing encouragement, or moral support? Do I need direct or indirect assistance from others?
• What impact will it have on other parts of my life if I make this change? How will it affect others in my life?

Write down your responses — it will help you notice the patterns and themes that exist. As you review them, see what you discover.

And here’s the secret: use what you learn from answering these questions to make your self-improvement project manageable for both you and those around you.

Interestingly, apart from being a wonderful group of creative business owners, they’re already up to something special when it comes to business networking.

Click here to read my interview with Anne Kirby, one of the founders of this group.

Photograph by Todd Spitler, one of members of The CHL. ]]> http://www.srirupadasgupta.com/2007/09/25/social-networking/feed/ http://www.srirupadasgupta.com/2007/02/15/business-networking/ http://www.srirupadasgupta.com/2007/02/15/business-networking/#comments Thu, 15 Feb 2007 14:09:31 +0000 sri http://www.srirupadasgupta.com/2007/02/15/the-national-networker-interviews-sri/ The National NetWorker — the world’s first “Consumer Reports of the Networking world” — interviewed me earlier this month about my approach to business networking.

Click here to read it.

TNNW is a free, monthly, online publication that celebrates the life and times of professional networkers as well as the many organizations that support them.

Business networking is not the over-whelming, complicated process that it is often made out to be in the business world, according to Author and Business Coach Srirupa Dasgupta.

Read the entire press release here.

Any kind of change — whether big or small — can be stressful. Not only that, other people’s stress and anxiety about changes they may be facing can be equally stressful!

What makes change difficult for people? And what can one do about it?

Well, think about a particularly trying time in your life or career. What specifically was difficult for you? What, if anything, caused you to feel stressed during that time? In retrospect, what do you think would have helped?

Different people have different reactions to change.

Some people resist change, because they focus on what they have to give up, such as “the old way of doing things, which may not have been the best but at least we know how it works”. Even if the new way is or could potentially be better, even if they actually want to change, they may resist because it’s unfamiliar or unknown and therefore uncomfortable.

Then there are others who just charge ahead. Their focus may be on the “good stuff ahead”, but it may also be on avoiding or minimizing the discomfort of the transition. Their attitude seems to be: “If it’s going to be uncomfortable, let’s get this over with quickly!”

Which one of these resonates with you? Or does your reaction vary based on the context?

In his book Transitions: Making Sense of Life’s Changes, William Bridges describes the process that people go through when dealing with change.

In this process or “roadmap”

1. The first stage is endings: giving up something known and familiar.
2. The next stage is the “neutral zone” which is in between the old way and the new way. This is the uncomfortable area where we feel lost and unsure because we’ve given up the old way, but we don’t yet know what the new way is.
3. The final stage is the new beginning, when we begin to feel comfortable with the new territory and feel encouraged about the new possibilities.

Based on where one is in this “roadmap”, the world looks and feels very different.

Also, as I mentioned at the beginning, each person reacts and responds to change differently. Not only have that, each of us goes through this process at different “speeds”.

For instance, we may have come to terms with an event and moved into the new beginnings stage, people around us, who’re also affected by the same event, may be still at the endings or neutral zone.

So how we experience a particular event or situation is also influenced by how other people around us react and respond to it — i.e. their behavior and attitude towards the same event or situation color our responses.

Human beings are creatures of habit, routine is comfortable. So when there is a change — whether in a situation or in a person, and no matter how small — this routine is disrupted in some way.

This usually stirs up feelings and emotions, and behind those emotions are some very basic questions. Left unanswered, we fill in the void with our own assumptions and stories.

For instance, let’s take a simple everyday scenario.

You arrange to meet a friend at a particular time and place. You arrive at the meeting point at the designated time, but don’t see your friend there. Since you don’t know why your friend is late, you automatically look for some reason to explain the delay and you use this as basis for deciding what to do next.

You may assume that your friend probably got delayed in traffic and decide to wait. On the other hand, if your friend is more than a few minutes late and you haven’t heard from her, you may worry that something is wrong, and you may start wondering about what it could be.

Similarly, when something happens that is out of the ordinary, people wonder what happened and why. And just like in this simple example, if they don’t have any answers or information, they make assumptions or speculate on the possibilities.

So what are some of the basic questions people have, when they are facing change?

• Purpose: One of the first things that people want to know is the reason for a change. The questions are, “what’s going on?” or “why is this happening?”
• Picture: People want to know how the end result will look. In other words, “what’s the vision?” and “how will things be when all the changes are complete?”
• Plan: People want to know what to do, as well as the plan to get from the current situation to the new reality. Depending on the nature of the change, the questions could be, “what’s the new process?” or “how should we conduct business while things are changing?”
• Part: Finally, perhaps most importantly, people what to know where they fit into the new picture. If things are going to be different, what will their new role be? Will they even have a role?

Our interpretation and understanding of these questions (or lack of it) determines how we experience change – whether it’s stressful or not.

And this understanding directly affects how we deal with situation we’re in — the decisions we make, the actions we take, our overall attitude, and so on.

Here is a free worksheet to help you apply these concepts to your particular situation:

Manage Change without the Stress

To download this worksheet, click on the above link, and use the “Save a Copy” button that will appear on the screen to save it on your computer. This document is in PDF format, and you will need Adobe® Reader® to read it. If you don’t have Adobe® Reader®, click here to download a free copy from here.

Be prepared for some thought-provoking questions!